STONE HEART

My heart is STONE COLD!!! I have always had a hard time liking people but now it seems I`m a hater of my own family members. Yes, it`s true I`ve joined the ranks of  "outlaws"nstead of "inlaws"..... For instance my lil sis had a heart attack and I told her very busy husband we`d take care of her. He replied " she`s my wife I WILL TAKE CARE OF HER!!! What an ass- Men are ridiculous and THAT is  why I don`t want one. AND, No I`m not a carpet muncher. So, to top things off, my brother has a heart attack. 5 days later no one heard from him (he was keeping in touch daily) so I call him (we are not close and have no relationship) at 12:00 and say I`m in the area and wanted to come over. No answer. I called at 5pm. no answer. I called at 8:30 pm no answer. I imagined him on the floor dead or waiting for help, totally immobile. So, I drove there and thank God, no car there which meant he`s alive. Next morning I went to see him thinking maybe we could start a true relationship.Hello!!! Boy was I wrong!!!!! I said "HI" He began to ream me out a new one!! What ??? It`s not always about you! What were your frantic calls about? are you crazy? You got 3 people with heart attacks stressed out! I`m 60 I don`t have to check in with YOU when I go somewhere!! My heart sunk and all I muster up was "I`ll leave you alone". As I walked out he was still yelling at me. I started crying and made damn sure he heard. I got in my car crying BUT within 5 minutes I remembered my daughter`s motto "STAY BRUTAL" and my hurt turned to anger. Another person has failed me. And that is why I titled this STONE HEART!

Happy 4th of July!!! I was invited to a picnic across the street but heard them fighting so I thought it was canceled. So, I made dinner and ate my little heart out. Now I see a sign that the party is back on. A little smoke in their backyard curling up above the roof of their house. I lose.... I made itty bitty cupcakes and made 4 different colors of frosting.... I lose.... I just feel like vegging out now so I will "couch potato" and eat some of my sweet little cupcakes and wait for "Daisy" to come on the telly. I just KNOW that London is going to win her heart, so the other guys should just GO HOME! Later.....

What am i to do? Working at the same waitress job for 20 yrs. and a new cheapie company comes in and destroys my life! They are squeezing the last drops of blood out of us and they appear not to be human. They (GF Management) have laid off buspeople, room service, and now housekeepers. Me, making $3.50 per hour have been told I have ALL those additional jobs with no additional increase in wages. Our menu is very highpriced for the area and would you like to pay $30.00 for a 9 oz. filet and not even get a frickin potato with it? Would you go elsewhere? I bet you would. So, customers are few and NOW management has closed the fine dining retaurant down, put eveyone in the lounge and limited it to 1 server, 1 bartender on a SATURDAY NIGHT!!! Don`t forget that one server must also bus and do room service because the bartender can`t leave the bar. Should I bolt? If GF sees this -u can`t be mad at me for putting TRUE FACTS out there. Instead of killing us -help us. Do some advertising please so us "little people" can still have a life even if it will be limited to eating hot dogs and macaoni and cheese....................

O.K., So I totally forgot I had this blog spot!! I admit it, I don`t have a clue if anyone beside myself can see what I blog and I actually wish they could. Maybe someone "OUT THERE" can get into my little mind and either 1.Help me 2. pray for me 3. laugh at me 4. whatever Right now we are experiencing a temperature of 1 degree. Yes, frickin` freezin. They say even 5 minutes outside and you could lose your kit and caboodle. What???? So, I will stay in and try to make sense of my day and as I`m reading a book called "Your Charmed Life", I will continue to try to make mine one. I promise tonight that I will put candles on my dinner table, shut the TV off for 15 minutes while we eat (although I may indeed put "Darkside of the Moon" on my turntable-yes, I still have one of those) and I will savor each mouthfull as if it were caviar. So there-I`m on my way to my charmed life. Oh yeah, candles must be scented (make note to self). Super Bowl Sunday today and of course must watch the commercials and grade each one-who doesn`t? As for the game itself----- you catch my drift. Well, must go-if anyone "OUT THERE" is reading this, let me know and I will personally help you get your very own charmed life. Peace

hippie chick goodies and spasms

Well guess what? In my entire life I`ve never had cable TV! I decided to finally go for it and I`m totally mesmerized!! I actually can`t believe how much "crap" is on it!!! Don`t get me wrong- I`ve found that I can be a totally couch tater & watch such fluff as "Strange Love" Flava -flav "Fear factor" BOTH the Simpsons shows, the one where mini-me pees in the corner in a drunken stupor, the show where all the young kids live in a house together and get "scabies". the Apprentice(MY TRULY FAV SHOW)!, bachelorette, bachelor, mother-in-law, daughter of mother-in-law, 2nd cousin removed but still in the family brother, (well, you catch my drift), I guess I`ll watch ANYTHING THAT MOVES!!!! I`m totally amazed that MTV DOES`NT play MUSIC! If you`re lucky sometimes like at 5:oo in the morn they might play "Green Day`s I Walk Alone" gee, as a matter of fact, I think that`s ALL MTV plays-over & over& over. Sheesh!!!when mtv first came out you could see cool stuff like Blondie, Todd Rundgren, Stones-REAL music mind you not all this "white Bread" fluff. did ya notice that there`s a whole lotta fluff goin` on? Missin` them good ole days am I? You bet I am! At least my daughter has introduced me to her cool bands like Something Corporate, Mae, Straylight Run, Before I Go, etc. I`ve even gone to the warped Tour with her & met the likes of the Used (cool peeps) Bowling for Soup (alotta fun) ataris (very cute) evanescense (awesome!). The list goes on & on just like this blog .......

Yes!! The sun is shining and I feel my seasonal disorder slowly but slowly ebbing. Today I feel is a day to figure out what the "h" MY life is all about. a friend has died of cancer and her funeral is today. I saw her boyfriend last nite and he said "sadly enough Judy (my friend who passed) won`t be at the funeral as she went to Colorado(we live in Ohio). Quizzickly I said "is that a fact?" He proceeded to explain that she gave her body to science and that a university sent for the body.So, if she goes to heaven will she be bodyless? That confuses me as in pictures you see people looking like people!I believe that it is your "soul" that arrives triumphantly in a splendor of bright white and trumpets.i also find it embarrassingly odd that when you go people will go thru your belongings and say such oddities as "What a junk collector she was" or "can you believe she lived in such PICK ONE..."squalor..filth..spendor..quirkiness" When people go through my stuff they`ll never know how happy i was to collect each item and how happy i was to look at each said item everyday. My collections make me smile and if anyone has a brain they`ll soon find out that i do have stuff that will actually make them rich if they know how to sell it to the proper purchaser. do i put tags on eveything and say" Here is a valuable piece worth blah blah?" Anyhow-maybe i`d better get my shit in order in case I`m the next one being shipped to Colorado.....peace and much love